The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines wellbeing as “the state of being happy, healthy, or prosperous” (Merriam-Webster 2021). It is within this context that this page exists. Here I will post articles about diet, health, emotional and mental health, meditation, and general life experiences. These are topics I have explored for most of my life.
Diet
I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. I had periods where I was eating healthy and working out and periods of pure shit-binging (when my belly would bulge grotesquely). At one point my uncle, after not seeing me for some time said, “Hi Sean, where did your neck go?”. I was hurt by those words, but when I looked in the mirror, I saw it. I looked like a gumdrop on top of a marshmallow. I was in my late twenties and that was the first time that I realized my body had changed.
This was the beginning of the love/hate relationship I had with my diet and my health. Now I am in my 50s. I am overweight I am making some lifestyle changes to correct this. As my dietician says, diets do not work because we must instead make healthy lifestyle choices. Diets have goals and people tend to become discouraged or have negative feelings when those goals are not met. Whereas lifestyle choices involve changing habits and forming new ones, evolving, and learning.
Health
- So goes diet, so goes health. While my diet fluctuated, so too did my health. As a young man, I could eat anything and still look good, feel good, and bring lots of energy wherever I went. Back then I also walked everywhere, lifted weights, and was a lot more active. Yet, bad health grew within me. I remember my first kidney stone. I thought I was going to die. At one point I wished for death to end the extreme agony I was in. That memory is tattooed in my consciousness.
Emotional and Mental Health
I will be honest, growing up I had a lot of negativity stacked against me. My father was a major alcoholic. He was also a Vietnam veteran who lived with horrific ghosts for the rest of his life. These drove his manic violent outbursts. These did not happen occasionally; they were daily rampages he waged against his family. He was highly intelligent and used that intelligence to tear down people verbally, either with vicious diatribes and insults or with cruel humor. When his health deteriorated and he could no longer punch anyone or anything, he would still eviscerate everyone.
That is just the tip of the iceberg. I was always different. I am a dreamer with an artistic side. I am also rebellious and extremely individualistic. Add to that mix my lightning-quick acerbic wit and my penchant for dark humor. In other words, growing up I was a hippie with the sense of humor of an obnoxious asshole. This was fine in the 1970s when I was in elementary school. By the time I was in middle school it was the 1980s and I was gaining a large following of haters, including my own family. I was an outsider, and I was attacked constantly by other kids, faculty, family, friends of the family, authority figures, store managers (convinced I was going to steal something), and even complete strangers.
I say all of this to paint the picture of how the cards were stacked against me. I was not taught any coping skills needed to navigate society as a human. What I did have was a fierce code of ethics and morality. I read a lot and I watched how everyone acted. Some things I had to unlearn. Other things I am still unlearning. Overall though I am now learning to appreciate the life I have built with my wife. She is my best friend and one of my favorite people. Whether you come to it as a youth or as an old fart, when you learn to live with good emotional health, life seems a little brighter and worthwhile.
Meditation
As a child, I was an Evangelical Christian. I was very fundamentalist and believed in everything the Bible said (I had actually read it). Then I turned 12 and realized that these so-called church leaders did not have any answers. They certainly could not speak to the contradictions and flaws in how God was portrayed. So, I left Christianity behind. I spent my teenage years watching every horror movie I could find, reading every non-fiction horror book, and basically not taking life seriously at all.
I grew up on the South Shore of Massachusetts. There are a lot of woods around. In fact, my town was part of the Bridgewater Triangle. There were times when the woods were creepy, and you felt like you were being watched. My friends and I had some strange experiences over those years. The most intense for me was a haunted house I visited. I do not know if what I experienced in there was real or was a byproduct of hysteria, but it was the end of my exploration into the darker side of reality.
That was a turning point for me spiritually. I was not looking for danger, but it found me several times (which I will discuss in later articles). I realized then that if there are powerful negative forces in the universe, there must also be equally positive forces. With that in mind, I began my studies of different religions. I always leaned towards Eastern traditions and read about them extensively. The more I read about Chi and meditation, the more I wanted to learn. Eventually, I took Shaolin Kenpo where I was taught to meditate.
I loved that class and continued meditating off-and-on for the rest of my life. Each book on meditation or Buddhism that I read thereafter enhanced my practice. Years later I finally had the opportunity to learn Transcendental Meditation (TM). I still do Buddhist meditation and I am starting to explore Loving-Kindness meditation. This is the exploration I am interested in.
Life Experiences
My life has been…interesting. I have had a lot of experiences, good and bad, but always remarkable. Sometimes it is exciting because I have weird luck and find myself in strange situations. Sometimes the situations were dull, but my perspective on what was happening made it interesting.
I have met fascinating people, been to curious places, and saw both terrible and wonderful things. I ended up in the present with my children grown, a job where I am respected and paid well, grandchildren who are happy and healthy, and a wife I have been with for half my life.
I seem to have a story for every situation. I literally have had that many experiences where I can state a personally anecdote for any topic. I am also a great mimic. This is a skill I picked as a Navy Brat. We moved around and I had to learn to fit in quickly. To this day, whoever I spend the most time with I will end up speaking like. This includes the regional vernacular, cultural mannerism, and in some cases people’s voices. Sometimes I catch myself taking on someone else’s mannerisms and vernacular. I have to stop myself because it can be perceived as condescending or even mocking. This is one of things I am trying to unlearn.
I do not regret my experiences because they shape who I am. And I am okay with that.
The above topics are examples of my personal experiences. I could have become an extreme personality type or even mentally ill. Thankfully, I did not do either. At least no more than anyone else. These are the reasons for this page, and I will share relevant articles or my own writing here. I hope you enjoy them.
References
Well-being. (n.d.). In Merriam-Webster. Retrieved March 06, 2021, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/well-being
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